HONEY, the shit is insane!

WOO HOO!!

That's right, bitches!
I scored opening night tickets and VIP after-party tickets for Sandy's hot new show!
It's gonna be a big-mama thang! 

Playing it Smart

Um...just a passing thought-

What ever happened to this girl? (Creepy dad sold seperately)
(I imagine that mom is what Laura Bush might look like if she put down the Newports)

Better yet, what happened to this one-

CRAZY!

A website about 'famous Mormons' listed this picture of Liz in People Magazine...that hair looks fierce!

Story seems that Elizabeth's ordeal was predicted...
Story thanks dad for doing the talking and making the choices...you Mormon men sure are strong role models!
Story this one is my favourite...I hope that Lizzie and creepy dad got to see more of Miami than the rec-room basement of this church-like place....hmm...where is mom?
Oldie-but-Goodie someone wrote this little homage during the ordeal..a little bizarre, especially the music its set to...

so, nothing juicy....the Smarts are low-profile...for now...let's see what Elizabeth does in a few years- when offers have stopped coming in for her story...

one more of the happy couple/couples/3some/whatever...because I couldn't resist...and because I find it so strange and curiously interesting...


(why is there a caution notice- what has been retouched? Her retinas? Her face is covered in a fucking sheet!)

she IS a maniac!

I spoke too soon...I promise, this will be the last "L Word" posting for a bit, but I had to...I'm catching up on a full season that I've been looking forward to for the past year....

So, I'm watching another one I've missed and at the beginning at a flash back, is Jennifer Beals (Bette) and she's wearing a grey sweatshirt, at Yale in 1985, off her fucking shoulder! I'm a fucking psychic! And I love that the creative team on this show is using actor's prior lives and incorporating them into the show...I only say that Jennifer has been re-lived. The rest of the cast don't really have much to draw from except Pam Grier...and when that takes shape, look out, bitches! Jackie Brown is back in town...I'm watching with my head guarded...

Cum(ming) On!

Ok, I like Alan Cumming as much as anyone else. He's funny, he's nice. We've been to parties together. He's always been gracious and polite. I was looking forward to his appearance on "The L Word,". And he doesn't disappoint. He plays a dirty, dirty slut and I love it. However, whenever his character appears, he does his "Cabaret" schtick- "Meine damen und herren, mes dames et monsieurs, ladies and gentlemen"- complete with accent. (Oh, and yes, I spelled each of those correctly) He glances at the camera with this scary, seductive eye and usually an extension or a wig in his hair...Alan, baby, seriously- Enough of it! Leave it behind! You've got "Three Penny Opera" to look forward to and Cyndi Lauper will not be playing that shit. She toured with Sandy B. and I'm 100% positive that she's geared up to fight back now...

Had he not starred in Cabaret, I wouldn't care. But, I find it trite and tired and I need to slap the writers of the show for letting him do it. Next thing you know, my best friend Jennifer Beals is going to be wearing her shirt off the shoulder...

That would be so hot...

PS- Ellen's ex- Alexandra Hedison is on board the L ship as well...loves it!

She's a Maniac!

I'm so glad that I am finally catching up on "The L Word".
To all my dykes, I've missed you so much!
Thank you digital cable and DVR!!!

Can we PLEASE be best friends, Jennifer?

Buddy, can you spare $6.28?

Apparently, the homeless prefer to take the downtown trains....Twice, yesterday, I was accosted by, as the French call- SDF ("sans domicile fixe"...ie- "without fixed home"...yeah, I just want to seem smart).

The first instance was on my way to midtown...and this burly man individually appealed to each person individually for money. I had my ipod on full blast and Stevie Nicks spared me the drabble. I felt like Marlee Matlin, just reading lips and knowing that I was better of shutting out the world to my own chosen soundtrack....in any case, after this sob story didn't work, this guy got on his knees and dragged himself on his hands to each person again. I thought- try a different car- everyone in this one is Chinese and can play the "No Speaka a Engrish" card or else listening to headphones. But I think the majority of people were just digusted that he had dragged his hands on the dirty floor of the B train. I mean, anyone who gets off or on at Brighton Beach has their own issues and filth that theyre bringing on board with them. I don't need to deal with that touching me. I have enough negativity around me as it is...anyway, he just kept saying- I'm hungry, I'm hungry...and as bad as it sounds, my stomach started grumbling and I thought to myself- so am I. I haven't had my breakfast yet. And this guy is heavier than I have ever been so I think I need to eat more...after no one gave him anything, he moved on...

The second was on my way home- nothing like heading home and being greeted by someone without one...anyway, I had seen this woman before and I knew her all too well...She got on and I noticed she had a gold stud in her nose that wasn't there before and that she smelled like garlic. She hung her head low and began- "I'm sorry to do this, it's embarrassing and it's not a laughing matter..." and I thought- for being ashamed, you sure have the speech down to a T. Literally word for word, it was the same as I had heard it before. And she was talking about how hungry she was. But, my head began processing- you smell like garlic- strongly of garlic...you must have recently eaten. And probably something quite good if it was seasoned with garlic. Again, I realized how hungry I was since I hadn't eaten since lunch...

But it wasn't that that got me. It wasn't the fact that she asked for money but that she specified an amount- "blah blah blah...even as little as a quarter"....As little as? I was always taught that beggars can't be choosers...Who does this bitch think she is? As little as a quarter? I have a feeling she would have made change for you just to get that quarter...Please...

Homeless people...NYC homeless people...no one else would have such nerve...and that's why we love them...and love to kick them...

I Love Paris in the Springtime...

I fucking love this girl! I'm not so big on most of the American Idol contestants this year- no one sticks out to me. But Paris Bennett is amazing! She's so cute and I love her voice- I like that her speaking voice is so tiny and high and then she opens that mouth to sing and AAHHHH!!!
And look at that fucking weave! To die!

All y'all know that gay boys love them some black girls...and we have a certain love for another Paris...but what could be better for a homo? A black girl named Paris!

harpo/OPRAH!!!

So, I put this picture up of Oprah-
A. because I like it and I think it's funny
and B. because I think it's insanely funny how whenever O wants to drive a point home, she points, repeats herself and yells-
i.e.:
"...at the age of 15, she has slept with 8 men...(points finger) 8 MEN!..."
or
"...please welcome a lady who knows about overcoming negative body image issues- Jada PINKETT-SMITH..(points finger)..."

which leads to J. P-S:

who was on Oprah with the Williams sisters talking about women empowering themselves and dealing with teenage girls who have fucked up their lives through men and sex and whatever else....

I just want to know what makes Ms. Pinkett-Smith an expert on this....(as an avid reader of my gossip) Jada doesn't have the best rep as a high-schooler...apparently she was a nasty slut. I don't know if this is true...but perhaps that's why she is on the show- to give her advice as a reformed whore...why didn't Oprah run this show- isn't she the one who has lost and gained a total of 862 pounds...who scarfed down BigMacs in sunglasses and sweats in the back of her car in the middle of the night...talk about issues!

The expert on the show talks about how men treat women as 'trash cans'- (and I quote)- "for their sperm, their issues...and women need to reclaim their own bodies..." Fine. probably true. I don't feel like debating gender politics because it won't be cute... But Jada, stop fucking pretending you're in church and screaming 'amen...YES, girl!!!' as the real expert talks...stop treating the audience as YOUR trash can- for your issues and your own history. (but, I did love the tear shed- and that you took a moment to speak..."wow...it's emotional..." Go back to making shitty movies and hanging out with Tom Cruise and stop pretending you're the next Dr. Phil...(but I'll still totally hang out with you- your band is HOT!)

Point is- send these girls to the Venus and Serena (the overlooked panelists) and they will kick the slut out of them...those bitches take no shit from anyone...look at their thighs and argue with me...Jada Pinkett-Smith has a good husband and essentially was given a good life from him (lest we not forget the interest in Scientology)...while, the Williams girls know hard times...they know pain...the know Compton...and they fascinate/scare me...they'll serve up the real advice (bad joke...hits the floor...but I said it anyway)...

Stepford Who?

Ok, I'm just as scared of Nicole Kidmans as the rest of you...but, when I read today that Tom Cruise asked her to postpone her wedding until after his kid is born, I actually felt bad for her.

Seems Tom is concerned about the well-being of their kids...apparently getting married in a well planned out ceremony to someone you've been dating for awhile is more detrimental than jumping on a couch on national TV proclaiming your love for your impregnated soon-to-be teen-bride...

Nicki, take my advice- cut and dry- tell him to fuck off! He's got the Beckhams in his corner now...hit the road...

WHY?

Is Tim Allen really, really doing this movie? Hasn't it already been remade? And why on the preview does he scream that fucking Toy Story "To Infinity and Beyond" bullshit? Can someone just get him back on coke and make him go away?

And Kristin Davis- is work really that hard for you to come by? Why don't you just call SJP and see if she can hook something up for you because this is ridiculous....You're beginning to scare me...

Dina Delicious!

Ok, my internet access has been limited and therefore, my Oscar

commentary will have to come later this week...In the meantime, check

out my girl Dina...all of her! She puts Mariah and J-Lo to shame-

rocking that fierce body and the attitide to match...
And, contrary

to popular belief, all of my friends are not trannies, kids....and

remember- there is a HUGE different between drag queens and

trannies...take that how you want it....

More to come- including

a counter and a way for non-bloggers to post comments....So both of you

can and I can see the number grow from 10 to 11...

Donatella who?

Yeah, these two slogans should never appear in the same ad....but they did...



I know when I think of high fashion, I think of JC Pennys...oh, and Sears...
I was sure not to miss the Union Bay and Bugle Boy shows at fall fashion week last month...It's amazing what Lee is doing with cargo pants this season...

The ODD Couple

Ok, so they say that people tend to look like their pets after awhile (or vice versa)...these two are starting to scare me....How much does Matty-B look like Nate-G?- and not even a young Nathan, I will add... I know that sometimes people who spend a lot of time together tend  to take on characteristics of each other....Shouldn't Matthew start having a better sense of style and be doing Gap commericals rather than looking so grim and unhappy....Aren't you both actors? Can you at least fake happy? I know I looked this pissed when I found out I was going to be raking in 100K a week for my return to Broadway...At least Nathan looks a little bit tipsy...like he had too much Champagne and is thinking 'I'm making more this week than you will make all year- and probably next year!' At least he has a reason to finally smile...errr...semi-smile...

But, Matthew, just miserable. like- 'I hate that my wife made me go back to work...'
Well, drink up, bitch...it's only the rest of your life...